| How to Defend Your Choice to Be Childless Posted: Children can be a great source of joy and hope for all families. It can be difficult for your relatives to understand if you have chosen not to have any - there can be many reasons, both simple and complex behind your decision. Keeping compassion for your family while standing by your choice can be tough, but hopefully these suggestions will help. Steps - Remember that your family loves you. Though the endless questions and coaxing can be wearing after awhile, the reason they badger you is that they love and want the best for you; keeping this foremost in your mind as you answer for the thousandth time can help keep you sane.
- Be firm. If you don't want to continue answering for the next 25 years, you must stand firm to your choice. If you are married, tell your spouse to take the same kind but firm position as yours (get your story straight and stick to it). Being squishy and avoiding a direct answer will only give your relatives hope that you will recant one day. Say something very firm and direct, like, "I know you may not agree or understand, but we've made the decision not to have any children just now; we may make a different choice in the future, but for now, we aren't planning any. We'll let everyone know if we ever change our minds."
- Give them a reason only if you wish to. Whether you are gay, sterile, or just not interested, the reasons for your decision are your own. You should feel compelled to explain only if you are comfortable and wish to divulge this information to your friends and family. If you don't want to tell them, don't. You don't need to justify your decision to anyone.
- Let them grieve if they feel so inclined. Maybe you're the last son, and therefore the family's last hope to carry the family name forward to a new generation. If you have no children, your family line will end with you. This is a lot of pressure for you, and a lot of lost dreams for your family should you choose not to have any children. Allow your family to grieve for their loss - you're not the only member of your family, and you must allow them their authentic sorrow, as your decision does affect them. You are entitled to live as you see fit, however, and the fact that they will be sad should not make you feel that you should become a parent if that is not the calling of your heart for your life.
- Remind them that having children must be a unanimous decision. In other words, if any person involved with that child does not want him or her, then that person wins. No child should be brought into a home that does not welcome, want and cherish him or her.
- Give careful and honest consideration to their suggestions. If you are dead set against having children, and you are the last surviving son in your family, unless your family has a history of congenital disease or insanity, it wouldn't hurt you to hear them out if they come to you with suggestions for compromise. There may be a family suggestion as to how to carry on the family's name (you can always suggest that your sister allow her children to carry your last name instead of her husband's, for example). At least give them a hearing, and consider their suggestions - it will go a long way toward them feeling less hurt and also let them feel that they had their say in the matter. Just remember that it's your life, not theirs, and they won't have the responsibility of any progeny of yours - you will.
Tips - Research this topic on the web. There are many child free websites and books in the stores. The quickest way to disarm any attack on your character is to demonstrate that you know more on this topic than they do, and having an educated answer for all their questions. For example, if they call you selfish, you may wish to remind them that some people have children for selfish reasons.
- Being firm early on, and then letting it be known that you really don't wish to discuss it further will make it less likely that they will pester you at every family gathering.
- If all else fails, make an announcement at a holiday dinner: "I know you're all wondering why we aren't pregnant yet. Or why we don't adopt. Or whatever. We want you to know that we love you all, but having children is a very personal decision for a couple, and we have decided against it, at least for now. Every time you ask us about it, it really pressures us, and we're asking that you don't any more. Please." After all, if they can't take a hint, then you shouldn't worry about them getting a little miffed by your taking matters into your own hands.
- Notice that the examples given all include "for now" or "for the time being" in them. This works a lot better than just saying flatly, "it's never going to happen, give it up." If you say "for now", it gives them the impression that you haven't completely made up your mind forever, and it will mollify them somewhat. If you state it in very final terms, unless you wish to say something like "I've had a vasectomy, that's the end of it" there will very likely be a lot of hysteria you will have to deal with. Avoiding that is a good thing.
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| How to Make a Gift Pouch from a Greeting Card Posted: This gift pouch, made from a greeting card, holds a small gift in style. Colorful greeting cards are available for many occasions, and many of them should not go in the regular paper recycling because of metallic foil, plastic, glue, and other matter. Try reusing one to wrap your next gift. Steps - Cut the card along the crease or just in front of it. You will use just the front "cover" of the card for this project.
- Measure the height of the card. Mark where you will score and fold it. One fold will create a short tab about 1/2" (1cm) long and the other fold will divide the remaining section into two equal parts.
- You can put the short tab either on the top or the bottom, so take a look at the design on the card and decide how you'd like it to line up on the finished pouch.
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The result will look like this. - Fold along the score lines, as shown. The short end will create a tab. Fold the tab towards the inside.
- Trace around the edge of a large, round object, such as a CD or the edge of a bowl or pot lid. Align the object so its edge is tangent to the edge of the card and so that the arc is centered. Do this to both ends of the folded tube.
- Cut all the layers of the card along the curves you just traced.
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Score curves the other way. The resulting score lines. -
...or secure with clear tape. - Insert a small gift by opening the tube as shown.
- Fold the ends in along the scored curves to hold the gift in place and finish the pouch.
Tips - Score all the folds firmly before folding them. Score along a ruler for the straight lines and around a round object for the curves.
- Cutting a thumbnail-sized notch in the end of each outside curve can help you or your recipient open the pouch.
- It helps if the round object is about 3 times as wide as the folded tube. It should create a shallow arc.
- These pouches are best for small gifts.
- Mark lightly in pencil so that you can erase the marks if you need to. The marks in these photos were darkened for clarity.
- Plan ahead a little bit, if you are making this pouch for a specific gift. Remember that you will be folding the card in half (minus a tab), then trimming and folding the ends in. Opening the pouch will also shorten it just a bit. If you're not sure, aim for something a little larger than you think you need.
Warnings - Take appropriate precautions with paper cutters and scissors.
- If you use a CD as a template, it's wise to use an old one that you don't need.
Things You'll Need - Paper cutter (optional, but very helpful)
- Scissors
- Greeting card. Choose a design suited to the occasion.
- Glue stick and/or clear tape
- Round object (CD, bowl, etc.)
- Something to use to score the card: a knitting needle, a ballpoint pen that is out of ink, etc.
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