Saturday, July 17, 2010

How to Deal With Unrequited Love

How to Deal With Unrequited Love


How to Deal With Unrequited Love

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Unrequited love is love that is not returned. Whether you are the one who loves or is loved, it can be a painful experience. This article will offer some guidance for dealing with unrequited love, which has haunted and inspired people throughout history.

Steps

If Your Love is Unrequited

  1. Accept that romantic love isn't usually a conscious decision. So, if a person knows that you love them, but doesn't feel the same way about you, don't view it as some kind of betrayal or deliberate withholding. They might want to love you, but simply don't, for reasons they don't understand, and may never understand. Sometimes the feeling just isn't there. Try not to take it personally.
  2. Eradicate any sense of neediness. If you're feeling upset, depressed, or bitter, it's probably because you feel you need that person's love in order to be happy. But, the research on happiness says that all you need is a healthy dose of optimism. You may also find that it's a sense of neediness (which you may be conveying without even realizing it) that's turning off the person you love, perhaps by making them feel like they are on a pedestal that they don't want to be on.
  3. Distance yourself. You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy. Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. Don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. If you must have some contact (such as work) respond to messages slowly after a few days. Only call back when you have a good excuse to get off the phone after a few minutes. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself.
  4. Enjoy being single. Dealing with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except you feel a sense of loss over something you never had. Still, you have to learn how to enjoy life without someone, which can be hard in our couple-centered society, but it's do-able.
  5. If you want to stay friends, follow the steps in How to Deal With Being Dumped when You Want to Remain Friends. While you weren't dumped, you were rejected, and following that advice will help preserve your friendship with this person.
  6. Practice unconditional love. If you feel you really, truly love this person, then perhaps you can love them unconditionally. You'll know you've reached that point when you can genuinely feel happy for them, even if that happiness does not include you. With unconditional love, there's no sense of loss, because it's about deriving all your happiness from the act of giving, not from receiving.

If You Are the Recipient of Unrequited Love

  1. Consider whether you are blocking out their love. Sometimes we feel undeserving or suspicious because of our past experiences, but if you reject love just because you can't trust someone, you're selling yourself short. See How to Receive Love if you feel this might be your conundrum.
  2. If you're sure you don't love this person, be firm. Don't let the person believe that you're on the fence, that if they just do this or that they might be able to convince you to love them. One thing you can say is "I don't feel the same way about you as you do about me. I don't know why, but I'm sure that's how I feel, and I don't believe it's going to change." They might be angry, bitter, depressed, but they will recover most quickly if you convey that this is non-negotiable.
  3. Reduce contact or end the friendship if the boundaries can't be clarified or upheld. If the person is attracted to you as more than a friend and can't seem to put that attraction aside, it's probably best to take the friendship down a notch. Keep contact casual, conversations short, and get-togethers brief. If the friend continues to press or yearn for a romantic relationship when you've made it clear that you don't want one, if they constantly trash talk your significant other (without good reason), or if they let their own significant other demean you, then perhaps the friendship isn't worth keeping, and this person should just be more of a friendly acquaintance.

Tips

  • In retrospect, you may discover that your what you thought was love was really just infatuation.

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How to Block Someone on Facebook

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If someone has been spamming you or hassling you out on Facebook, you can block them so that they can't find or see your account. This article shows you how to block people or application invites, to make sure that you're able to continuing enjoying your time on Facebook.

Steps

Privacy Settings Method

  1. Go to "Account". Click on "Privacy settings" in the top right corner. Click on the Privacy tab that opens up.
  2. Look for the "Block Lists" tab at the base of the page. Click on the highlighted link "Edit your lists".
  3. Type in the name and email of the person you'd like to block.
    • Facebook will warn you that once you have blocked a person they cannot be your friend on Facebook and won't be able to interact with you (except for applications and games both of you use).

  4. Click on "block this user".
    • A list of people with the same name will appear. Click on the person you wish to block.
    • A small line will appear that reads "person's name" and a live link "unblock".

    • The blocked person will not be able to see your profile. When you are searched for by this person, your name and details won't show up in their search results.

Profile Method

  1. Go to the profile of the person you wish to block.
  2. On the bottom left, there is a link that says "Block/report this person". Click on it.
  3. Select block on the dialog box that appears.
  4. Click "Submit".

Tips

  • You can also block application invites. Simply key in the friend's name and you will automatically ignore any future application requests from that friend. To block invites from a specific friend, click the "Ignore All Invites From This Friend" link under your latest request.

Warnings

  • Avoid randomly blocking people. It can be upsetting to a friend who works out what you have done if there's no reason for it.

Things You'll Need

  • Facebook account

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Just in case the beer isn't enough...7 Tips for Getting the Most Out of a Beer Festival

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Summer beer festival season is a great time to discover new beers and to enjoy the festive spirit. From the World Beer Festival to the Great American Beer Festival (GABF), there is a festival to be held almost every weekend somewhere in the world. Beer festivals are quite a bit of fun, but that fun can be spoiled if you find that you have overdone the drinking. In order to get the most out of attending a festival, while being responsible and not being annoying, the following steps will help you enjoy attending a beer festival.

Steps

  1. Eat just prior to entering the festival. Give yourself time to get the flavor of the food out of your mouth or you will be tasting food-flavored beer, and continue to seek out food for the duration of the festival. Most festivals have pre-arranged agreements with (on-site) food vendors that allow for at least one or two low cost food items to be available for purchase from each vendor. Typical beer festival fare of turkey legs, pizza, nachos and different sandwiches will give your stomach a much needed buffer between beer and alcohol absorption. Take time to enjoy your food; this will also help to cleanse your palette between flights of beer.
  2. Try to come close to drinking equal parts water and beer. If you have four two ounce servings of beer, try and drink that same amount of water before moving on to another flight of beer. Most festivals provide either bottled water or some other way of obtaining water specifically for this purpose. You will undoubtedly use the restrooms more frequently, but in the end this will keep you from becoming dehydrated and could help reduce the chance of suffering a hangover later on.
  3. Have a list of beers and a plan. Almost all beer festivals provide lists of both breweries and the beers that they plan to bring along to vend at the festival. Get hold of that list and start planning what flights you might want to try. Some festivals also provide a site layout–this makes finding your favorites that much easier. Try some of the following (as long as the requisite brewers are in attendance):
    • A Belgian flight
    • A pale ale flight
    • A hop flight
    • A German flight
    • A wheat flight
  4. Remember to balance your taste buds. Don't start a tasting session with a beer with an IBU (international bitterness units) of 90 and expect to be able to taste anything but hops from then on. Start lower and work your way up. Your taste buds will thank you.
  5. Make sure you actually taste the beers. Too often attendees at festivals look at those festivals as a four hour kegger. To enjoy the festival and create a lasting impression in your mind, and to retain a happy memory of the beers you drank (that you should be able to find after the festival), take your time to actually taste the beer. Tasting hints to consider:
    • Aroma - Since half of taste is actually our olfactory perception, take time to smell the beer. Make a mental note of what you can smell.
    • Appearance - Although most festivals pour in two ounce portions, you should be able get a good idea of the look of the beer. The head retention, color, cloudiness, etc.
    • Taste - When tasting, it is recommended that you drink only half of the sample initially. Make a note of the different properties of the beer (bitter/sweet/tart, etc.).
    • Mouthfeel - What did the beer feel like? Thick, chewy, silky, fizzy? The texture will have an effect upon your perception and enjoyment of the beer.
    • Second look (overall) - Finish the beer sample. Did you note any changes from the first taste to now? Did the beer breathe differently or did you experience a flavor that was not present during the first swallow? Many beers (especially ales) are very complex and can't be fully appreciated with a single taste.
  6. Keep a record of your favorite beer rather than trying to quaff down more of them. Most festivals have too many beers to possibly learn in the short period of the festival. If you find a beer that you really like, write it down and stick the information in your pocket. Plan to buy it later to enjoy it in the comfort of your home.
  7. Most importantly, have yourself a designated driver or some plan to avoid having to drive after the festival. Pay a neighbor's kid, go as a group with one person designated to drive, take a taxi or a bus.

Video

Tips

  • Bring along a small bag or wear pants or shorts with ample pockets. Festivals are notorious for giving out swag and if it's a beer or brewer that you like, then it would be nice to have something to remember the beer by.
  • Bring a pen and note pad to take notes or write down addresses or websites.
  • And finally, have fun, make some new friends, find a new favorite beer and hope that those pictures don't make it to Facebook. Cheers.

Things You'll Need

  • Swag bag
  • Cash (for festivals that only accept cash, or where it's easier than credit)

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